My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
