I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the liver wants what the liver wants
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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