her vagine was all disorganized.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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