Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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