If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
