remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is my gift to your gina
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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