Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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