i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
