Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
