just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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