How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
