After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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