Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
