I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
