hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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