my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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