Need sex. Gaining weight.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
