I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
