you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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