I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
