...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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