Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We're facebook friends in real life
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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