my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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