I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
