Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
