dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
