Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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