The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
