i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my being single is dangerous.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
