did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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