its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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