Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
