her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
