Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
