All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
