i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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