I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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