you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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