you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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