I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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