This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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