I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
