Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
