i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
