If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
