so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
