He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
