yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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