Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
