and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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