the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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