I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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