I hate all girls vehemently.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
