You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
