I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
