He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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