maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
