a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just puked most of my soul out..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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