Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
