remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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