R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
