Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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