Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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