nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
