STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
