Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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