Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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