I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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