I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
