im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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