I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
