i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
