you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
