And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
