i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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