Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
