he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm passing your future prison.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm too high and old for this...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
