Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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