Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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